For 45 minutes, she told me (over and over and over again) that she was ready for her next big relationship.

The One. Life partnership.

Then, at minute 46, she mentioned that “enjoying life” these days involved having casual sex with random dudes.


That was when my bewildered WTF??!? thoughts cranked up:

“How the hell are you gonna tell the Universe you’re ready for committed partnership when you’re giving it away with no commitment and drunken sex you forget the next day?”

“Geez. No wonder you’ve been single for so long.”

“Good luck finding “THE” guy. You’re gonna need it.”

These were the kinds of snarky thoughts running through my head as I listened to her coo about sleeping around, “because now’s the right time for it, right?”

Here’s the deal:

FOR ME, being promiscuous doesn’t line up with my intention to call in a monogamous, emotionally invested partner.

FOR ME, casual sex lacks so-so-SO much of the yumminess of sex with a partner who knows my heart, my mind and my body intimately.

FOR ME, being single until my right man strides up feels best.

But it doesn’t automatically follow that my way must be THE way for all single women everywhere.

Who says that there is just one path down the road of Calling In Your Big Love? (Or, at least one of your future Big Loves?)

When you judge single women for how they’re going about their search (or their lack of a search), you’re forgetting this one little thing:

You can never know the intentions of someone’s heart.

Maybe casual sex with random dudes is a way for her to celebrate and embody the physical passion she wants to experience with her future Forever Man.

Maybe what I’m labeling as promiscuous is actually an important step in her sexual liberation.

Maybe dating every Tom, Dick and Harry heightens her faithfulness in the abundance of single, available men.

And maybe none of this is true.

Maybe she needs to shut the random hanky panky down and nourish herself in other ways.

Maybe she needs to invest her energy and time in experiences and people who model and champion committed, long-term, intimate partnerships.

But it doesn’t actually matter which it is, though.

What matters is that I honor her choices even though they are vastly different from my own.

There is no one right way for all single ladies to manifest the loving partnership they’re dreaming of.

And if your way “worked” and led you to the hubba hubba love of your lifetime, remember that method worked for YOU and your unique life experience and expression.

It may not be applicable to all other single ladies – or at least, not necessarily to that single friend whose behavior you might be judging.

Make conscious, aligned choices.

Listen to the divine whispers guiding you.

But don’t think that those whispers are meant for the entire planet.

That whisper landed in your ears because it was meant for you. And maybe, that’s the only set of ears that needs to hear it, right now.

Wishing you lots of big love, whatever that looks like for you.



Photo by Lisa Wiseman

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