This isn’t necessarily unusual for me. I’m prone to restlessness.
For example, I’ve moved around (frequently), I’ve changed jobs (almost as frequently) and I’ve had more than my share of boyfriends (are you sensing a theme here?).
But the restlessness of late, is a bit different in flavor and texture.
It feels deeper, more tied to my core and is absolutely unrelenting.
Normally if I move, change jobs or give up a relationship – the restlessness subsides.
Not so much.
I’m feeling called to examine everything in my life.
For years I operated by the same rules that all of us are familiar with – society’s status quo.
I believed that if I grew up, was a nice person, got a stable job, found a man and prepared for a long, happy life together (with kids and a puppy of course), that I would feel complete and happy and fulfilled. Because everyone around me said that was what you do. And many around me have chosen that path. Apparently if I follow in their footsteps, I’ll be happy.
But I’m not.
I’m not miserable, don’t get me wrong.
To the contrary, I’m actually quite happy with my life right now.
But I’m feeling the pull to question everything that I’ve ever been taught.
I’m feeling a desire to bust through the status quo that my family and the world have told me was “the right way”.
I want to make decisions because I believe they’re right for me, with every fiber of my being.
I don’t want to live a formulaic life, just because it’s what everyone else is doing.
Sidenote: I have nothing against the status quo on principle. This post isn’t about bashing marriage, having kids or staying at a job for 15 years. If that rocks your world, then I’m STOKED for you. For real. I mean it.
If you’re happy, I’m happy.
But if you’re not happy and feel even just the whisper of disillusionment or rebellion, then keep reading (’cause I’m right there with you).
In the last few months I’ve been questioning my notions or partnership, marriage, children, families, jobs, creativity, ambition, friendship and desire.
I’m unpacking a lot of shit. And it’s not totally clear yet.
I wish it was. I wish I could wrap it up with a pretty grosgrain bow and it all made sense. But I can’t. And it doesn’t. Not yet.
Have you ever felt like the status quo isn’t working for you? Like the way everyone else does it, just isn’t cutting it? Like you want to break out and find a new way (YOUR way)?
I feel you. And I’m here to tell you that it’s possible. In fact, it’s more than possible – it’s inevitable.
If you’re feeling pulled in a direction that feels foreign and uncertain and scary – eventually you will have to explore it and ask yourself the hard questions. You won’t find the level of fulfillment you desire if there’s part of you that has one foot in and one foot out of your life.
The status quo isn’t something you just decide to go against and then your life is peachy. Nope.
You have to challenge your own patterns and habits, which then challenges (and may even helps shift) the status quo. Like in all things, action creates momentum and change.
I hope it inspires you to shake things up in your world (and if you have any suggestions for me, please let me know in the comments below).
*I’m re-defining what love actually means to me – like really digging in to the word, the feeling, and how I can have more of it in my life.
*I’m exploring the concept of a committed partnership vs. marriage (and determining which one I really want).
*I’m busting open my money myths and getting clearer about how much I want/need in order to be happy.
*I’m securing part-time work that’ll allow me to have some stability (for the first time in years).
*I’m going out on a limb creatively and writing a screenplay.
*I’m allowing tears to flow, even when I’m in public (NOT easy).
*I bought watercolor paints and have been using them as a way to explore vulnerability and authenticity.
*I’m opening myself to my partner in new ways – we’re exploring ideas, concepts and points-of-view that I never would have considered before.
*I’m committed to being more open and honest with everyone around me.
*I’m allowing myself to eat what I want and explore what it might look like to be compassionate with myself around food.
*I’m leaning into the grey of life (instead of operating in black + white).
*I’m shaking loose the idea that being “normal” is somehow desirable (or possible).
*I’m taking the drivers seat and not waiting for someone to come along and save the day (i.e. my knight in shining armor).
Just writing out that list made me squirm in my seat a little bit.
Though a huge part of me wants to explore and redefine ‘the rules’ in my life – a big part of me wants to just go along with the crowd, stay safe and do what everyone else is doing. The desire to fit in is primal. But the desire to live authentically, not abandon myself and show my true colors, is even more so.
As in all things, it’s a practice. Some days I’m a rockstar at this stuff. Other days, not so much.
So, tell me, what internal (or external) status quo messages are you pushing against (or wish you could)? What might it feel like if you used your own compass and your core desired feelings/values to navigate the world?